Tuesday, July 26, 2005


I've seen it before. I remember seeing the very first one--but every single time a Space Shuttle launches, I still get all misty-eyed. It has to be one of the most spine-tingling, majestic sights I have ever seen. Absolutely incredible!

I remember Challenger...and how upsetting it was. They had gathered us all in the auditorium at high school to watch because of Christa McAuliffe and her being the first teacher in space and all of that. They could not have known the disaster that would unfold. I remember watching it break apart, and not quite understanding in that moment what that meant. The principal was shocked. Too shocked to turn off the TV and so we all just sat, and cried. I remember that my mother came to school and picked my sister and I up early, then went to the elementary school and got my brother as well, wanting, needing to hold us close that afternoon. My grandparents were in Florida for the winter, standing on the beach of their RV park, taking pictures as they always did of shuttle launches. I wonder where those pictures are now that my grandpa has been gone for these last seven years and gram is starting to suffer from senility. Does she still have them somewhere? Will we find them among her things when it is time? I wonder if I asked her about them if she would remember where they are...that is, if she remembers who I am, or even scarier--who she is. (This loss of self-knowledge is a frightening new development)

[Sigh...shake off maudlin reminiscing...moving on to the joyous part of it all...]

Did you see the absolutely unbelievable pictures from the external tank of the shuttle as it settled into orbit? It looked back on the perfect marble of the earth and it was such an Ahh... moment. So singularly beautiful. The color of the earth was unbelievable! And the first thing I thought was, I wonder if they make yarn in that perfect shade of robin's egg blue? I have a feeling I will spend a lifetime looking. Some miracles of Mother Nature just cannot be replicated. I can't imagine being out there. Wonderful and scary and amazing and...there aren't words.

I got a wee bit of writing done yesterday afternoon. Just a wee bit. I've never called it Writer's Block, because to me that sounds final and unchangeable. So, I will just say that I am in a bit of a bog...the characters don't seem to know what they are doing, and I can't seem to make them do what I thought they would do, so we are in a stalemate. I've been working on the desktop computer. That might be my problem. Sometimes I have to write longhand to feel connected to the characters, and I haven't been doing that for a few weeks. I guess today I will try that. I have a feeling it will help. I woke up this morning with some sense of where the story is going next, so that is a relief. I'd like to get at least ten pages done today...it depends on the Bug's nap schedule and all of his everchanging 18 month old moods!

My DH got to visit with my brother last evening in Seattle. That was nice to hear about. I miss my brother, he was in the Navy for 6 years, but now he is out. He stayed out West though, he loves the land and the weather. I've never been further west than Milwaukee, so I can only imagine and look at pictures. But, they ate steak and drank beer and played x-box--such boy stuff! I am surprised at how lonely I am with A gone. I mean, I was a single mom of two for almost two years before we got married, so I am used to being alone. I guess it is a good sign that I miss him and all of that--but it is also horrible because he is up for a new job with Lockheed Martin that would require him to go to Virgina for 22 weeks to a special school. If I can't get through 14 days, how will I do 154?

Can you say, KNITTING? I did more knitting last night, still working on the Feather and Fan scarf, it is really turning out lovely. I may not be able to give it away. I always say that, but I always do give it away...I promise.

Today, I will work some more on it, or I may work more on my Moda Dea scarf for McKenzie...that is pretty mindless too, good stress knitting. Just yarn and flying sticks all over the place!


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