Glamour

Or:

"A day in bullets for your enjoyment and to aid in that oh-so-fuzzy-I'm-glad-I'm-not-her-feeling":

• First, I cleaned up a cat barf/regurgitated hair ball that I stepped in before my eyes were even open.
• Then, I realized that one of the cats peed somewhere in our bedroom which is decidedly NOT near their litter box...why, oh why, did they do this? They must be mad at me for something. After all, they own this house and rule it with their iron paws. I cannot find a wet spot, but the smell is unmistakable. One trip to RGT (Target in Bug language) and $21 of carpet cleaners, candles, and pet deodorizers later, I can still smell it, although everyone else who lives in this house says it is all in my head. Convenient for them--they don't sleep in there.
• I wrestled the king-sized duvet cover off my comforter and washed, dried, and wrestled it back on. Followed by a quick visit to Ebay (it's an addiction people) to see if I could find a colored down comforter at a reasonable price so I don't have to wrestle with duvet covers any more.
• Then, the Bug and I went out to pooper-scoop the back yard. This was followed quickly by aforementioned insect-type boy stepping in poop and trying to scrape it off with his wee two year old fingers! Eewwww...
• Followed just as quickly by Mommy washing off said fingers in the garden hose and then taking him inside to clean off the bottoms of his sneakers with an old toothbrush in the kitchen sink and those cute fingers with anti-bacterial soap. And then her flip flops when she realized that at some point in her mad rush to keep fingers clean and sanitary, she had somehow stepped in poop herself...and tracked it all over the kitchen floor.
• Followed by mopping and perhaps some choice curse words. It pays to be married to a former sailor.
• Followed by having to take poop from the neighbor's dog back to whence it came after the irresponsible dog owner did not pick.it.up.gasp! I would never let Cooper poop on someone else's property and not clean it up...but this woman does it almost every day, and I havehadenoughthankyouverymuch! I scooped it up, and put it at the end of her driveway...with her watching from her window. I did smile at her...very friendly and civilized, I assure you.
• Followed by having to kill the most gi-normous (that is gigantic and enormous smooshed together, btw) f-ugly brown spider I have ever seen in the laundry room. You can add your own shrieks and screams in your imagination here for special effect. Don't even start with me about how they are spinners and their webs are lovely and such crap...I hate spiders and don't care. Judge me all you will!
• And he was crunchy too.
• I hate the jumpy crunchy ones.

I am indeed, having quite the day of glamour...I am not worthy.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have Disc 2 of my crack to watch.